Blondiner Vitser

Blondine vitser


Sist oppdatert den by Babu


Blondine vitser


En blondine ringer politiet for å
rapportere om innbrudd i bilen hennes. Hun er hysterisk og forklarer
situasjonen til politimannen.
– De har stjålet dashbordet, rattet, bremsepedalen og til og med
gasspedalen! gråter hun fortvilet.

Blondine vitser

Smarter Blonde

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job. «Okay,» the sheriff drawled, «what is 1 and 1?»

«Eleven,» she replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, «That’s not what I meant, but she’s right.» «What two days of the week start with the letter ‘T’?»

«Today and tomorrow.»

He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

«Now, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?»

The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, «I don’t know.»

«Well, why don’t you go home and work on that one for a while?»

So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor, where her pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. The blonde was exultant. «It went great! First day on the job and I’m already working on a murder case!»



Overweight Blonde

A blonde was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. «I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.»

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.

«Why, that’s amazing!» the doctor said, «Did you follow my instructions?»

The blonde nodded. «I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day.»

«From hunger, you mean?»

«No, from skipping.


Silver Haired Old Lady

The silver haired lady confronted her doctor with a complaint of pains all over her body.

«Be more precise,» he said. «So I can help you, try pointing to some of the places that hurt.

The silver-haired doll put her finger on her arm and said, «Ouch!» then her finger to her hip and said, «Ouch!» and then to her rib cage and said, «Ouch!» again.

The doctor stopped her and asked, «Were you a blonde before your hair grayed»?

«Why yes!» she said excitedly, «But how did you know?»

The Doc answered, «Your finger’s broken.»



Not a Porch

The blonde was broke and desparate. She knocked on the door of a doctor’s house and said she needed money and would be willing to work for it. The doctor asked if she would be willing to paint his porch. He would give her $50 to do it.

The blonde said that would be fine. The doctor’s wife said the blonde must be really dumb to do such a big job for only $50. «Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?» the wife asked. «I guess so,» the doctor told his wife. A few minutes later, the blonde knocked on the door. «All done,» she said, «and by the way, it’s not a porch, it’s a Ferrari.»



Blonde NASA

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets. First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question.

«If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?»

After pondering the question she answered, «I would like to go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet.»

They said «well okay, thank you.» And told her that they would get back to her.

Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her the same question. In reply, «I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings.» Again, «thank you» and they would get back to her.

Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead. She thought for a while and replied, «I would like to go to the sun.»

The people from NASA replied, «why, don’t you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?»

The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. «Are you guys dumb? I’d go at night!»


The dog and the blonde

A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.

When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.

After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,
“Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!”

She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
“If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?”
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.

The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, “157.”

The farmer was amazed – she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.

Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.
“If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?”


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